The Time I Was Almost On The Bachelor…

-e

Ok, first the title is very misleading. The title makes it sound like I was cast and due to unforeseen circumstances, I had to bow out. My apologies, I very much did not make it that far into casting. I did however spend a very lonely and quiet night last April feeling bored, and said to myself “do you know what would be funny? Applying to be on The Bachelor!” And here we are, with season 25 of The Bachelor now airing I am filled with “what ifs” and a lot of “is this show for real?”

Let me digress, back in April during the peak of the COVID pandemic and subsequent lockdown life was different. I had recently moved back in with my parents (God bless them) and was eagerly needing a break from them (once again, God bless them) so in my topsy-turvy only makes sense to me type of way I thought “The Bachelor could be my escape”, and for a little bit of time it was. No, I wasn’t eventually chosen to be on the historical season of The Bachelor that has its first-ever black male lead (with twenty-four previous seasons of white or white-passing male leads) but it gave me a short vacation from the current events in the world.

My application was seen by a producer (shoutout to Veronica Nichols which out of all the disappointments, not becoming her best friend is the biggest one), I had a very peculiar phone interview (could you marry this strange man after 42 days of knowing him and dedicate your life to him?), and then had to make an eight to ten minute long video about myself (cringe, cringe, cringe). After all of that, it was radio silence from The Bachelor crew, which all fair, because I am definitely not a regular schemgular bachelor contestant and I definitely would have been asked to leave after looking at the cameras one too many times as if it were an episode of The Office. 

The point is- ABC’s The Bachelor missed out on their most interesting contestant in the history of their show and I am saying that with my who- I’m kidding. The point is during a dark period of seclusion, the vast unknown and a very unprecedented time in our lives this little recruitment process was a distraction. This little recruitment gave me and my friends something to laugh about. This little recruitment gave my mother a heart attack and my sister’s something to share at every family get together for the rest of our lives. And above all else this little recruitment made me realize that ABC’s The Bachelor’s Matt James could not handle me. 

** Maybe, just MAYBE, I’ll post my very cringe Bachelor audition video

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